Day Two Point Five of No More Work (For a While)

Technically that's not true, as what I'm doing right now is finalizing some stuff people at work will need in the next few days. It's a Sunday! But I find it more relaxing to work on these stuff now. Fringe (oops) benefits of rising early. Even caught the 7am mass. I like mass but not for reasons you'd expect--or maybe you're right. I'm not about to correct you on anything you think you know about me. I'm no longer an authority on that.
Also I made this index card summarizing the key points of Flow, put it in the iPod, memorized it. Mainly, to get in the zone, one must:

1. set clear goals around activities that are just within/outside the limits of one's capabilities,
2. concentrate on doing it (not watch/listen to Fringe in the periphery of one's mind),
3. observe feedback (inevitable, really, once you're paying attention),
4. and enjoy (or at least be made aware that you like this thing that you're doing)

In reality it's much more complex than that, but I don't really care about any more detail than is necessary.
What is necessary is the knowledge that it is completely within my control whether this life makes sense to me or not. That applies to everything, everything. And while I've drifted in and out of madness and pretend sanity the one thing that was constantly apparent was this: I want this life to make sense.

Now whether or not in absolute terms that is true, is completely irrelevant to me (and should remain irrelevant) if I want to sail through the rest of my life becoming the best version of me. Because, sad to say (or happy to say?), the best version of me instinctively knows that while life is eternal, it also holds within it the power to express life in ever more creative and ever more vibrant ways. In short, life on earth should become better from having met me. 

My idealism may be full of fault and naivete but that's the core of what I am. I'm not saying this is a better stand, or that pragmatism is not in many ways more beneficial than reaching for the stars, but in the end it's really how you live your life that says everything about who's got the better deal.

And I'm not saying that that's suddenly me, you don't get rid of a universe's worth of neurosis by writing down that you're no longer going that way, I'm just saying I may have questioned how I've been going at life for the past few months, but I've realized nothing's wrong with me, I've just forgotten that my choice is paramount in all of this.

God, this is brilliant shit--Tumblr, I mean. Sometimes you run across a distinctly inspiring vignette, or something that resonates exactly with what you're feeling right now that you think, hey, I'm really not alone in all this. And I'm really not.

See you later.

(Note on August 12, 2012: This was originally posted on my Tumblr.  I'm doing some online housekeeping and I figured I'd leave my Tumblr out of the drama and corral introspective shit here. I left my blog last August of 2009 but I've reemerged somewhere between that and this.)