That's what some of us are. Only problem with getting our hopes up is the possibility of rejection, humiliation, frustration, failure. If you really want to psyche yourself up you can look at the governing chances and realize there's an equally good chance it's all going to go your way.
You think up dreams inside your head and hope, and cry, and
die inside, the closer you deal with "reality," or at least that version
of reality where your current life situation is nowhere near where you
want it to be.
Hardest thing is to not really know where to go.
Fortunately, a lot of us are in that boat. The possibilities have
unfolded, and we find ourselves overwhelmed, almost deluged by
everything we can be, do or become. The downside to choices: utter
It had taken a toll on me the past few months,
mostly because I was peripherally aware that people my age had gone on
to do stuff "normal" people do: get hitched, have kids, solidify a
professional career. And while I have no intention of really going down
that same path, sometimes I ask myself what good am I really getting
doing my own thing?
And can I really find peace and fulfillment
doing that which other people are doing? Maybe, maybe not, and therein
lies the answer. The fact that I'm asking bothers me. Self-awareness
kicks in, says, you're really not that happy to be asking these
questions, are you?
And I'm not, really. I'm disappointed in
myself for making some strange choices. I'm frustrated that everything I
think I can do could not make itself kinetic. I feel a little stuck, a
little stumped, a little scared of the New Year. I envy that you are not
that scared, or as scared as I am, but I know I'll survive it, maybe
even get a kick out of it in the process, but the fear is real. I try
not to listen to it.
Somewhere someone said the human mind cannot
comprehend its own mortality. That's the reason we make plans for the
future, why we live like we cannot die. Good news for the carpe diem
types but I think I've been at it the wrong way: I feel like I have all
the time in the world to do what I want and so I'm more catatonic than
I'd care to admit.