Nomenclature

"Inside his house a kid gets one name, but on the other side of the door, it's whatever the rest of the world wants to call him." ~ Maniac Magee, Chapter 14, pg. 53

I have been called an innumerable number of things during my entire lifetime, sometimes I wonder whether it has to do with the life stage I'm in or whether it's more arbitrary than I'd care to think. But for the record, I was born with this name: MARIA CHRISTINA OCAMPO CRUZ, where Maria has been conveniently reduced to "Ma." for writing purposes. This, however, has caused more confusion and worry during those big exams that required one to shade the letters corresponding to the letters of their names. Ocampo says I'm of (somewhat) Spanish descent -- and it is true -- folks' noses from the mother's side are too nice-looking to happen by accident. Cruz says I'm rather generic, and it is true, there are five Cruz families living on our street alone, and only two are related.

So for purposes of posterity and so the kids can have something to laugh about when I'm grayer than I'd like, here are some (most, actually) of the names I've been called, including generic buddy tags which have been used once, then again, then over and over until I decide it's time to use something new.

• Macky {Lost Years} - I've been called this all throughout gradeschool.
  
• Mark {possibly lesbian years} - I've called myself this during grade six, I think, for a grand total of two days; I got a couple of kids to believe this -- proof only of the unlimited possibilities and crazy side effects of the way bluffing incessantly would color my life.
  
• Mac-mac {generic kid nick name} - nothing to it
  
• Macks {generic kid nick name} - nothing to it
• P're {college where did my identity go name} - During college, we sort of looked up to the Finance officers (who were guys who called each other p're) and figured it was a cool way to call each other don't ask us why. These are smart people.
  
• Facky {the "F" phenomenon} - verbal calisthenics that backfired. We only stopped when we tried out the F thing with colleagues named Dennis and Roque.
  
• Budois {the French phenomenon} - before getting into that whole dorm thing for the review. Mark named me Budois (pronounced bu-doy, like the M16 singer).
  
• Chrissie {Adventures in a Co-Ed Dorm} - when the Sinduh girls figured the only reason I couldn't get a guy was because of the androgynous (okay, male!) nickname.
  
• Kuh {SMC celebrity look-alike} - at San Miguel, because of the squarish, manly jaw
  
• Tony (Gonzaga) {SMC celebrity look-alike part 2} - at San Miguel, because of the squarish, manly jaw, if only this means I can hook up with someone who looks like Paul Soriano (but gawd please make him taller)
  
• (the) Dude {generic buddy tag 2} - something I picked up from the husband of the writer the world should watch out for (or maybe the friend herself fuck details) which I used on everybody else, until I grew tired hearing such variations as dod, and doods. By the time I quit everyone else was still using it on me.
• Maria Cruz - entirely HR's fault
  
• Murky {HotBod's word play} - because of well, everything, mostly -- the disposition, the preoccupations, the fascination for matters that may probably be the reason why I never get As in Neatness and Cleanliness. Because to me, things are just that, things.
• Didit - because my Yahoo! ID was mackydidit (and only because I thought it was cool when I'd give my email address as macky did it at yahoo dot com); bakit ako mahihiyaaaa
  
• [and finally, drumroll please] Volggord {God bless them Norwegians} - mostly used by girl named Justine, again another name game backfiring.

Update:

• Bull Guard - HotBod just very recently called me this gawd I hope this never catches on.

Mood: