Sunday, September 15, 2013

Some Ulysses Contract

Is best kept online, away from real-world personalities and people who may actually give a fuck what I think.

I'm about to do something incredibly insane and incredibly selfish and something in me is sure that it's the right thing to do. And so I'll subsist on that certainty--I have begun trusting my gut at work and it's such a good feeling to be able to rely on something outside of facts.

We should all resolve to be a pretty girl, because it has been my experience that pretty girls finish first. Pretty girls are total bitches, and I mean that in the most non-condescending way possible. I don't even mean to be sexist when I say pretty girls, I'm referring to that unique breed of humanity that, while possessing mercenary-grade convictions and goals, can also summon guileless joy at the littlest things, like the shape of clouds.

And of course I don't even mean you have to look a certain way, i.e. pretty. I mean pretty girl in much the same way people say 'fat kid syndrome' when model-thin people still feel guilt over eating too much. Why not take that mechanism over its head and say that deep inside of us, there exists a pretty girl.

A pretty girl is vulnerable in the world's eyes, because she has boobs and wears skirts and high heels. But have we not learned where real power comes from? All creativity, Brene Brown said, and change, and innovation comes from a place of profound vulnerability.

My pretty girl's feeling the sun now, despite the rain. For several years this pretty girl had to play an array of roles she either did not care about or did care about but the thrusting of the role upon her cheapened the acceptance of these roles. Student, niece, worker, daughter, friend, random stranger in the shuttle, team mate, sub, college acquaintance, childhood buddy, I am all this and more, but I am also, at the same time, allergic to bullshit, intolerant of ego, and able to say no just because I feel like it.

I never knew I had these in me.There is no reason for the tension anymore. My pretty girl can go 120 any day of the goddamn week.

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